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Yay! God is good!
Thu, Aug. 4th, 2005, 08:29 pm
I'm kind of sloooow today... like I'm walking through molasses. I woke up late, and then later took a nap! Other than work out, I haven't done much today. Hopefully I can be more productive now.
I've been feeling like I'm not getting enough done towards my goals of gaining employment and studying for the Bar. After going to the bible study on Monday and hanging out with people until late at night afterwards, and then hanging out with another friend on Tuesday night (on top of a busy weekend) ... I decided that I should stay home a few days and get my life in order. My room, for instance, is all disorganized and I hate it. So, I stayed home yesterday night, despite the fact that there was a great event going on with Spirit and Truth, and I'm being responsible. Ah, the perils of popularity! ;)
I'm happy that Andrea got a good job! I know she was worried about it, and there are only so many times I can say "You'll get a job," before it gets old. And she's teaching history! Just what she wanted! :)
It's August, my birthday month. "I grow old... I grow old... I shall wear the bottom of my trousers rolled." A quarter of a century... where did the time fly?
By the way, I've pushed my visit to Orlando to next week. I miss my Crispy, though.
Thu, Jul. 28th, 2005, 11:04 pm
The next step
I'm good. God is good. Life is interesting.
Haven't really done much. I get up, I look for jobs, I write cover letters, I exercise, I feed my bunny. That's about it. I've also been spending some time at St. Gregory's, which has a lot of people active in ministry. And I went to Bible Alive. There was also a bible study on Monday at St. Max's.
I must say, after two and half years of being surrounded by secular folk (not that they aren't nice people), it is refreshing and a blessing to be around those who actively seek to love and serve God! I feel that the things I am learning now, the ministries and people I am being exposed to, are another stepping stone on the path that He has laid out for me. Just like law school and the Bar are.
Luke is the one always inviting me to these things. I think he is the most powerful recruiting tool that the Footprints group at St. Gregory's has, for he is involved in all sorts of different activities and effectively networks with any person who seems slightly interested, making them more comfortable. He could see that I was looking for ministry, craving it, and so he casually invites me to a bible study, or a planning meeting, or a dinner with group members, etc. He never asks for anything of me... but I'm getting the idea that there is more I can do. His skill at getting people involved is inspiring, and I'm trying to learn to relate to people in that way. Though I see the recuiting technique for what it is, I can still feel myself getting more and more drawn in. St. Gregory's is getting to me.
Next weekend, I'm going to visit my family in Orlando. I can't wait to see them, especially since I haven't seen Tina since May. Fun, fun, fun!
I was kind of down last week, but lately I'm feeling more positive, optimistic, and greatful for all the blessings in my life. It's ironic because, currently, all my muscles are in major pain and I'm not too pleased with my living situation. Yet, I can appreciate all the things that are going so WELL and I know God is working in my life.
The pain is the result of a very fun Saturday. I went ice skating with a group of friends and I loved it. I had only ice skated two or three times before when I was younger, but once I got out on the ice I caught on pretty quickly. I'm not the best skater, and I have no idea how to break... but I could skate fairly quickly. I did fall a few times, but I didn't hurt myself, and it was no big deal. So, I pretty much skated non stop for two hours, and half the time I pulled Kiki along as she squealed and screamed. It was hilarious to see the reactions of the other skaters when they heard her coming - they would skate out of our way in fear of her! hee hee... Later, when the rink was nearly clear, six of us made a human chain and skated around the rink together. It was fun, but I felt my abs aching as I held myself at juuust the right angle when we turned and I had to wait for the other five people to finish the curve. I must admit, I pushed myself to skate faster and faster, and go around extra turns because it was good cardio.
Well, the next day my abs and corresponding back muscles were in major pain, as were my legs, my neck, my shoulders, and the arm that held Kiki. Yesterday, I was wincing whenever I had to sit down, stand up, or walk. Today, the pain is slightly better, but it continues. I think the skating hurt me so much because I had done some advanced tae bo the day before, and my body was a little stiff.
But you know, when the pain is gone, I'm going to be so much stonger! I loved the skating, and I will definitely go back.
Thu, Jul. 21st, 2005, 12:29 am
Jessica's mother died on Saturday, and today I went to the wake. Jessica was holding it all together well, but it's obviously been a traumatic time for her family. Tomorrow's the funeral mass, and I'll be there as well, as it's the least I can do. I don't get to see Jessica often, but I feel like I've known her forever. We went to the same middle school, though we traveled in different circles. Then later, we were brought back into each other's lives though all those strange coincidences that God designs to guide us. I know her mother is safe with God, but I hope that Jessica will have peace.
I saw Delfin's mom there, and Jason, and Karina. Sister Karina, I mean. It was surprising to see her after all these years. She looks different, older... more peaceful? We talked about friends in common, and I gave her updates. Karina... she is more significant to me than she knows. She was the president, the symbol of CSU when I decided to put myself out there and try to be a part of it. Now she is almost a tangible reminder of how far I have come. Do any of them know what that meant to me back then? Or of how I changed - breaking through a shell of shyness? Those years were a formation.
I'm dazzled by the invisible bonds that connect me with so many others. By the bonds of love that drew all those people to the funeral home today. A wake is brought about by a separation, yet it is also a unification of people, a crude foreshadowing of the glorious future of heaven, where we can all be united.
Tue, Jul. 19th, 2005, 06:35 pm
You know what? Within an hour, I've gone from being relatively optimistic to DOWN.
I don't know what's wrong, or why I can't just snap out of it. There's no one to help me right now, as my mom seemed to be in a bad mood herself over the phone.
I just wish I could practice what I preach.
Tue, Jul. 19th, 2005, 05:16 pm
How am I? I'm okay, quite good. At the same time, there's an underlying stress. I hate looking for jobs, doing resumes... I have that to do, as well as studying, and the neverending explaining to STU people why I am taking the Bar in February instead of July. I know I've made the right decision, but ... there's irrational guilt involved. And when things are up in the air... I'm so down on myself.
But all the bad stuff - it's not the TRUTH. No matter what may happen, I have to hold on to the only truth there is. I have a God who knows me and loves me and has guided me every day of my life her on earth. How blessed I am! Am I not in better shape than so many people out there? And not because I'm so great or special, but because He lead me away from hidden dangers and paths of suffering. This world is not my home, and while I am here I have to take what blessings and gifts God has given me and work as hard as I can to help other people in their lives, so that they can grow closer to Him.
It's really amazing, too, that God has given me the ability to LOVE so many of his children. Oh, not as much as He does - though I pray that he let me love people with his love instead of my own. But enough - enough that I want to be with all of them in heaven!
Hmmm... my journal entry took on a life of its own... in any case, I'll move on.
Saturday was Kristy's birthday, and several of us conspired to surprise her. I kidnapped her in the afternoon to go shopping, and Monica and I helped her pick out a great outfit for an evening event. She had no idea what the event was, or who would be there. Later, Michael delivered her to Monty's blindfolded where a group of us celebrated. We had a good time over dinner, and danced as well. A very nice evening!
Yesterday, I went to Monica and Rigo's to help them deliver school supplies that Monica collected for an orphanage. Monica did a great job of getting donations. I was not really a necessary component to the operation, and the thought crossed my mind that perhaps I should have got to a bible study that Luke invited me too instead, but it was worthwhile to me to spend time with Monica and Rigo. Also, I was glad to see where the orphanage was and learn about volunteering opportunities. I missed doing ministry and service during law school, but it's going to be an integral part of my life now.
Well, I'd better go outside and at least do some walking before it gets too late.
I love Andrea. She's the best roomate. She's working so hard trying to find a job and living on her own.
I’ve decided to take the Bar in February instead of July. With all the stuff and major life changes going on in my life, I had been set back in my studying. Also, my finances were getting tight. So, I’m working on getting a job and studying steadily when I am not working. This gives me the opportunity to get valuable work experience in law, something I was lacking in, and so I am glad to have the chance to explore different fields.
So, life is good overall and I have many options available to me. However, all is still undecided and feels so up in the air. I have growing responsibilities and concerns in my new life, and no family or sister around to support me on a day to day basis like before. What a lonely feeling when I realized my other half would no longer be living near me! I am plunged into the adult world with hardly anyone talk to about it!
An my poor roomie has similar worries – she’s searching for a job and trying to make a life for herself as an adult. If only I could help her to realize, though, that everything is going to work out for her. God takes care of her day to day problems. And she is doing so much better than she thinks she is! She’s accomplished so much, and has job possibilities on the horizon. Negative voices try to tell her she cannot succeed, but objectively, that is ridiculous.
Well, my cyber friend, livejournal, forgive me if I choose to write vaguely of the worries in my head and instead now dwell on lighter stuff… such as my weight loss goals (hee hee, “lighter”- no pun was intended). I daily engage in a war against my own body. It seems to feel that a new ice age is imminent and that I require extra pounds of fat to survive future famines. I, however, am sick of being overweight (and sick of the resulting limitations that imposes on my wardrobe) and don’t want to be unhealthy and at risk for diabetes, heart disease, etc.
Luckily, I have an uncommon love of vegetables and salad that I share with my bunny. So, I eat pretty healthy food – except when I get the dreaded cravings for pizza and ice cream! Pizza and ice cream haunt my dreams… And I go out walking and jogging almost every day for 45 minutes to an hour, with some tae bo here and there.
But my body fights me every step of the way. It doesn’t want to jog as much as it used to (some 5 or 6 years ago I used to jog 3 miles every other day easily, now 1 mile is a struggle). And I am ALWAYS hungry. I don’t know how to lose weight without being hungry. “Just eat small meals every few hours,” my healthy friend suggested glibly. I generally do, and I always stuff myself with healthy food. A half hour later, my stomach is rumbling again… pizza slices start dancing before my eyes… and so I generally just live a hungry life, not unlike a supermodel. Once in a while, I cave and bake myself 2 or 3 cookies to eat, then feel terribly guilty.
It’s like my body is determined to make sure I just MAINTAIN the weight I have. Oddly enough, some friends have a similar reaction when I mention that I want to lose weight. They tell me not to be anorexic or that I’m fine the way I am. (When someone told me that I had a pretty face, I wondered if I had become one of those girls who is so hopelessly fat that she has to be reassured that she looks beautiful because it’s unlikely she will ever be any thinner.) My roomie can’t even tell that I’ve lost more than 25 pounds. Therefore, I’m my own personal trainer and support group, and I’m determined to lose. I’ve done my homework – a girl my height and frame should be 50 pounds lighter, at least. So, I exercise beyond my comfort zone – push to jog the extra distance, walk for a longer time, add steps to my pedometer. I count calories and cut fat where I can. I even factor in the calories and fat I add when I can’t resist having a dessert.
I’m winning the day to day battles. I’m down a clothing size and the scale numbers keep getting smaller every week. I’m getting stronger and building up endurance.
But man… I’m really hungry.
Oh, it's been a long time since I posted here. Life has been too busy. I have over 100 unread e-mail messages, as well. So, the update of my life: moved out into an apartment, graduated, served as bridesmaid, realized I must start studying 10 hours a day for the bar exam.
Yes, bridesmaid! Rigo and Monica are now MARRIED!!! The wedding was beautiful, of course, as a result of their hard work and planning and the presence of the Holy Spirit. As the vows were spoken, myself and the other bridesmaids sniffled and wiped our eyes. And they looked so happy, so holy, as they promised to spend their lives as one. What a blessing. What a beautiful example of God's love. I was honored to be there.
And, you know, I'm really greatful that Monica gave me the opportunity to be useful and spend time with her during this special time. I also got to really bond with the other bridesmaids - Mammone, with her wonderful sense of humor, the adorable Kristy, Debbie, who is so wonderful and caring, and Kiki, a great person. In fact, many of Monica's friends have bonded with Kiki since the wedding. She joined several of us when we went out afterwards, and went out with us the next week as well. She's the coolest high school kid I know. Could Monica and Rigo have known that their union would unite others as well?
Those two will be returning from their blissful (I assume) honeymoon on Saturday. Let me take a moment to confess about some incidents Monica had no idea about on the big day:
- Debbie and I had to have our pictures, and so we gave our cameras to Kiki's mom who was sitting behind the bridesmaids, so that she could take pictures of the wedding party's entrance and give us the cameras. During much of the ceremony, we snapped photos behind Monica's back.
- It was a good thing I rushed to the banquet hall after the pictures were taken, as per Monica's instructions. The lady in charge of the banquet hall pulled me aside with urgency to give me a disturbing report. "The man who was delivering the wedding cake was in a car accident." I barely had time to gasp before she continued, "We sent his sister to the scene of the accident to get the cake, and she is on her way over, but it may be a little late. Don't TELL MONICA ANYTHING! We just need a little extra time to get the cake and assemble it. Again, DON'T TELL MONICA, but we need you to keep them outside until we have the cake set up." I assured her we would stall the bride and groom and she rushed out in a flurry about the cake. I didn't even have the opportunity to inquire about the poor guy in the accident. I passed the message along to some other bridesmaids and the maid of honor. Luckily, before Rigo and Monica arrived, the banquet hall lady informed me that the cake got there saftely. A few minutes later, it was assembled beautifully and the banquet hall lady again called me to give me the "all clear." Monica and Rigo never had to worry.
- In all the fuss and preparation, Cristina and I completely forgot to write our names on the gift we bought for Rigo and Monica. So, if you guys read this, we got you the chocolate brown and celedon throws. :)
Of course, everything happens at once, and my life has been incredibly eventful. But I'm tired of writing for today, so all that will have to be the subject of other entries. Oh, and there is some very good news which I am not at liberty to disclose right now, but know that I am very happy for you, my roomate.