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Fri, Jul. 8th, 2005, 02:44 pm
Managing the Weight of the World

I’ve decided to take the Bar in February instead of July. With all the stuff and major life changes going on in my life, I had been set back in my studying. Also, my finances were getting tight. So, I’m working on getting a job and studying steadily when I am not working. This gives me the opportunity to get valuable work experience in law, something I was lacking in, and so I am glad to have the chance to explore different fields.

So, life is good overall and I have many options available to me. However, all is still undecided and feels so up in the air. I have growing responsibilities and concerns in my new life, and no family or sister around to support me on a day to day basis like before. What a lonely feeling when I realized my other half would no longer be living near me! I am plunged into the adult world with hardly anyone talk to about it!

An my poor roomie has similar worries – she’s searching for a job and trying to make a life for herself as an adult. If only I could help her to realize, though, that everything is going to work out for her. God takes care of her day to day problems. And she is doing so much better than she thinks she is! She’s accomplished so much, and has job possibilities on the horizon. Negative voices try to tell her she cannot succeed, but objectively, that is ridiculous.

Well, my cyber friend, livejournal, forgive me if I choose to write vaguely of the worries in my head and instead now dwell on lighter stuff… such as my weight loss goals (hee hee, “lighter”- no pun was intended). I daily engage in a war against my own body. It seems to feel that a new ice age is imminent and that I require extra pounds of fat to survive future famines. I, however, am sick of being overweight (and sick of the resulting limitations that imposes on my wardrobe) and don’t want to be unhealthy and at risk for diabetes, heart disease, etc.

Luckily, I have an uncommon love of vegetables and salad that I share with my bunny. So, I eat pretty healthy food – except when I get the dreaded cravings for pizza and ice cream! Pizza and ice cream haunt my dreams… And I go out walking and jogging almost every day for 45 minutes to an hour, with some tae bo here and there.

But my body fights me every step of the way. It doesn’t want to jog as much as it used to (some 5 or 6 years ago I used to jog 3 miles every other day easily, now 1 mile is a struggle). And I am ALWAYS hungry. I don’t know how to lose weight without being hungry. “Just eat small meals every few hours,” my healthy friend suggested glibly. I generally do, and I always stuff myself with healthy food. A half hour later, my stomach is rumbling again… pizza slices start dancing before my eyes… and so I generally just live a hungry life, not unlike a supermodel. Once in a while, I cave and bake myself 2 or 3 cookies to eat, then feel terribly guilty.

It’s like my body is determined to make sure I just MAINTAIN the weight I have. Oddly enough, some friends have a similar reaction when I mention that I want to lose weight. They tell me not to be anorexic or that I’m fine the way I am. (When someone told me that I had a pretty face, I wondered if I had become one of those girls who is so hopelessly fat that she has to be reassured that she looks beautiful because it’s unlikely she will ever be any thinner.) My roomie can’t even tell that I’ve lost more than 25 pounds. Therefore, I’m my own personal trainer and support group, and I’m determined to lose. I’ve done my homework – a girl my height and frame should be 50 pounds lighter, at least. So, I exercise beyond my comfort zone – push to jog the extra distance, walk for a longer time, add steps to my pedometer. I count calories and cut fat where I can. I even factor in the calories and fat I add when I can’t resist having a dessert.

I’m winning the day to day battles. I’m down a clothing size and the scale numbers keep getting smaller every week. I’m getting stronger and building up endurance.

But man… I’m really hungry.

Sun, Jul. 10th, 2005 02:59 pm (UTC)
monivega: Water

Lyd, what a depressing journal! We can talk more about it later, but here are a few things I thought about while reading your journal: (1) You are not alone. I'm nearby and I'm thinking of visiting you today! I'll call you. (2) Congrats on your weight loss! It DOES make you healthier. That's GREAT! (3) When you think you're hungry you're probably craving water without knowing it. Your body requires a lot of water a day to run properly. Are you drinking enough? Every time you feel hungry between meals, drink a cup or two of water. Water with lemon helps, too. It really works because that's probably what your body is nagging you for! We'll talk later. God bless!

Mon, Jul. 11th, 2005 12:11 pm (UTC)
itslyd: Re: Water

I carry around a cup or bottle of water with me all day and drink constantly. Since I don't drink soda anymore, I'm always drinking water instead. I get about 8-10 glasses a day.

Trust me... I know about the water thing.

Mon, Jul. 11th, 2005 12:12 pm (UTC)
itslyd: Re: Water

depressing?

Mon, Jul. 11th, 2005 01:58 pm (UTC)
monivega: Re: Water

Well, you sound a bit sad. =(

Mon, Jul. 11th, 2005 02:08 pm (UTC)
itslyd: Re: Water

I'm sorry if I sound disturbing. I'm fine. I'm just stressed... I've got a lot of stuff to worry about, and most of it is unresolved right now.

Just a strange time in my life...

Mon, Jul. 11th, 2005 04:36 pm (UTC)
monivega: Re: Water

Don't apologize. I'm just worried about you. I understand--trust me. It's a strange time in my life, too.

Mon, Jul. 11th, 2005 11:28 pm (UTC)
itslyd: Re: Water

You've had so much to deal with lately. No need to worry about me. When I think about the terrible problems that so many other people have - well, my worries seem petty.

But I appreciate the attention here in my livejournal. Not often someone aske me if I'm okay. :)

Mon, Jul. 11th, 2005 01:58 pm (UTC)
monivega: Re: Water

OK. Well, then you're going to have to look at what you're eating and how filling it is. Do you eat food with a lot of fiber? That's the best thing to do. I know you eat your veggies--broccoli has a lot of fiber.

Mon, Jul. 11th, 2005 02:06 pm (UTC)
itslyd: Re: Water

Ok, what I usually eat: salad (assorted lettuce, tomato, cucumber, feta cheese, onion), frozen veggies (broccoli and mixed veggies), corn, chicken or salmon, Nouriche.

Sometimes I have some rice and beans, or pasta (but without a cream sauce, or some mashed potatos. Once in a while, Mac and Cheese. I've been know to make myself a pancake, as well.

When I go out to dinner with people, I'll eat anything.

I drink water and orange juice, and have banana or apple or grapes for a snack.

Seems like a good diet to me.

Mon, Jul. 11th, 2005 04:38 pm (UTC)
monivega: Re: Water

Yep. The diet is good. I'm just trying to figure out why you're so hungry all the time! haha... you know, some bread won't hurt... try 100% wheat bread; it may help your hunger problems and it will do your body some good. I'm looking out for your health here. =)

Mon, Jul. 11th, 2005 04:40 pm (UTC)
monivega: Re: Water

It sounds like you can give me some nutrition advice! =)

Mon, Jul. 11th, 2005 11:25 pm (UTC)
itslyd: Re: Water

I may not look it, but I've been studying nutrition and fitness since senior year of high school (when I went down two clothing sizes and started jogging 3 miles every other day). I can look at an item of food and estimate how many calories and how much fat is in it. (That's what happens when you play with an online calorie calculator for a few years. See http://www.nutritiondata.com/index.html).

My metabolism is against me - as detailed in the above journal- so it takes real concentration to get any results.

Mon, Jul. 11th, 2005 11:17 pm (UTC)
itslyd: Re: Water

The bread idea is a good one. I love wheat or seven grain bread, but I don't usually buy it because it will go bad before I finish the package. Also, one slice has a lot of calories... but I guess it's worth a try.

I doubt it will help with the hunger. Hard as it is to believe, my body just seems to work that way. If I am losing any weight at all, I get hunger pangs. In law school, I had a lot of stress, no time for sleep, and tons of work. I couldn't be hungry on top of that. So, I ate more calories until I wasn't hungry (and not junk food either, but salad and veggies and etc from the cafeteria.) and as a result, I put on a lot of weight.