Wed, May. 4th, 2005, 12:31 pm
I can breathe
I have a moment to stop and breath because I don't have a final to take today. I took my first two finals on Monday and Tuesday, and my next two are on Thursday and Friday. I still have to finish my seminar paper (professor said I have until next week to turn it in), so that I can be through by Friday.
Whew! Sounds simple on paper, but in practice - a lot of work!
My law school colleagues would think it crazy, but I did take a day off on Saturday to go to Rita and Todd's wedding. It was beautiful, and I was crying during the ceremony. It was good to see Rita so happy. She deserves it.
Next week should be very busy for me as well. I have to move out! I'm getting an apartment with Andrea. My financial aid check will be coming to me on Monday. I will then need to buy a cheap, working car right away - otherwise, I don't know how I will physically move myself out of the dorm, or attend bar review classes which start the Monday after next. Plus, I desperately need furniture. I have no bed of my own, and sleeping on the floor is not something my back wants me to be doing. I also need to get electricity, water, internet, and an outfit for graduation. I have to tutor one last student who made me promise my services on Tuesday. Oh, and next week is the big bachelorette party - so I will be having fun arranging that for Saturday night. It's a lot to do, and buying a car immediately is key.
Graduation is on Sunday, and quite a few people have agreed to attend. I'm hoping we can go out for lunch afterwards. It's all a vague dream right now - the fact that I'm almost done with law school, that I've earned my degree, that my life is entering a new phase.
Everyone is growing up and achieving so much with their lives! I'm so proud of Andrea, who graduated at the top of her class. Monica and Rigo are less than a month away from married bliss. Cristina's nearly finished her degree. I could go on and on ... I love all the people God has put in my life, and He takes care of them so well!
Yay! At this time last semester, I was cranky and withdrawn and didn't want to answer the phone or talk to anybody. The end of the semester funk. This semester, although the work and stress are piled on, I actually enjoy spending time with people. God has granted me such peace. Even when I am suffering with my paper or a test, I feel gratitude.
A quick update:
It's... nearly finals... nearly graduation time... nearly.... nearly... an unknown future for me.
So, I've been busy and tired of it all, and oddly afflicted with back pain for the past few days. I have four finals to take in two weeks. Next week, I have to turn in two major research papers. One must be done by Monday. My mantra: "Get it done or you won't graduate!" Of course, there are a million other things to do related to Monica's pre wedding festivities (fun!), getting money to live on when I graduate (stressful!), getting ready for the intense period of bar preparation which is to come, etc.
And, honestly, I'm a little cranky. I'm trying not to let it show, especially when everyone has their own worries and concerns, all more important than mine, but - sometimes I'm so sick of it all. And I'm sick of having all this work and stuff to do when I really just want to relax, or spend time with friends, or interact with people instead of case law, or learn to sew clothing. (I did learn how to sew a purse, and it was fun! I do take a little time off here and there to work on it.) Lately, friends have been offering me tempting invitations - and I wonder if they understand why I have to say no. I don't even understand. I don't want to be here.
But ah, if I just keep it up for a few more weeks, then I will gradute with a juris doctorate. And I'll have an apartment. And I'll be able to buy myself a car with some loan money. And maybe, just maybe, I can decide what kind of life I'm going to build for myself. Who do I want to be? Where do I want to work? Who do I want in my life? What is my vocation?
Oh God, guide me because Your will is so much better than mine. And please, get me through this because I do it for You.
I'm really not all miserable or anything. I'm just trying to take it all a step at a time.
Wed, Apr. 13th, 2005, 05:51 pm
My arms, abs, and legs all hurt today. All I did yesterday was a little tae bo and free weights. I think my body is all tense, making my muscles stiff and more likely to hurt. It’s the stress of end of the semester, recent arguments with my mom, and imminent graduation. I lifted my three week long soda ban yesterday when I realized that I needed the sugar and caffeine to do my work. If I don’t get my assignments done, I won’t graduate.
I get support and find comfort in prayer and visiting the chapel on campus. Encouragement comes from odd places. I started talking with a professor I’ve had in the past, and he asked me if I had a job lined up. I explained I was in the process of seeking one now. He told me that I would have no problem getting one, and that I am a good writer. This is high praise from this curmudgeon-y professor who favors blunt comments over polite ones. I got more praise at the luncheon today that was held for tutors and deans fellows. My bosses commented on what a good work I’ve done. Laurie, who I tutored for two semesters and is now a tutor herself, declared that I was the best of all and should receive “tutor of the year” award - if such an award only existed. Dean Singer, whose job generally includes scaring students into studying harder and passing the Bar, tells me that I will have no problem passing it.
Such compliments assure me that I am on the right track, and that I need to work hard to keep going. But I know I am no better or smarter than others around me. Whatever achievements are attributed to me, I attribute to God. I seem better than I am because He helps me.
Yesterday, I was witness to something truly out of the ordinary and wonderful.
Last night, my Evidence professor wrapped up the class a little early and dismissed us. As we started collecting our books and laptops, Adam rushed to the front of the classroom and asked us to stay a few minutes. It turned out that it was the birthday of one of the girls in my class, Fernanda, and her boyfriend had a surprise. Fernanda had stepped out, but she was about to return. Her boyfriend is Giev, a student I’ve know since we started law school two years ago as part of the same small entering class.
We waited, and were soon rewarded by a most unusual and humorous sight – three students dressed from head to toe as mariachis and carrying guitars! One of the students was Giev, another was Raol (know for being somewhat of a class cut-up), and the third was someone I didn’t know. They were followed by an entourage of curious students, some bringing birthday cupcakes.
We all laughed and sang along with the mariachis as they, rather badly, played “Happy Birthday.” Giev then walked over to Fernada and kissed her. Then the psudo mariachis started singing “You’re just too good to be true… can’t take my eyes off of you… “ (that song never gets old, does it?) Then, to the surprise of most people in the room, Giev pulled out an engagement ring and proposed! It was lovely! Fernanda tearily accepted and they continued their embrace. What a great way to end an Evidence class! They looked very happy and in love.
Today has been slightly less eventful, but nice because the Law Day awards luncheon took place. I was given an award for being best student in Property II. How far I have come since that first, scary semester of law school! Soon, I’ll be receiving my diploma, and that seems just amazing to me.
I haven’t really had the heart to keep writing here lately. I was kind of miserable after my parents visited and left on bad terms. And then there was more depression during most of this weekend after an argument with my mom. I don’t want to upset them, and try my best to be a good daughter, but somehow it all falls apart. I am never so lonely as when I am not on good terms with my parents.
But – that’s neither here nor there. I’m trying to keep my life together and moving forward, not dwell in a pit of despair. I have three weeks to write two major papers and prepare for finals. GAh! If I don’t do all of this, I don’t graduate. Plus, I have to arrange for life after graduation, and all that involves. That’s a lot of responsibility on my weak, lazy shoulders. Where would I be without my protector and savior? Thank God for His love!
Random stuff :
- I am really pleased with the plans and arrangements Debbie and I have been making for Monica’s Bachelorette party. I think she will be happy. That’s the goal, in any case. Debbie is my planning soulmate. I’ve also heard, from some of the groomsmen (is that what you call them?), about the plans that the guys have for Rigo’s Bachelor outing. It amuses me to imagine all those guys together, alone. What do men do when we are not around? Sit around telling fart jokes, I suppose. :) Actually, I’m probably so curious because I’m a little tired of all the girly… it’s been a girly week for me!
- Tina and I have many sewing dreams. If we only knew how, what projects and clothing we could create! We have acquired a sewing machine, and are now trying to figure out how to use it. It is an oddly complex machine to me. I have little free time to mess with it, but we take five or twenty minutes here and there to learn or try to do something. In a year or two, maybe we can actually complete a project. :)
- My interest in Gilmore Girls has become a slight tad bit obsessive. I have been regularly reading a fan forum which parses each episode. Recently, probably due to the current lack of new episodes, I crossed the line – I actually read GG fanfic! Ordinarily, I raise my nose to the often amateurish, copyright infringing attempts at writing. But I couldn’t resist reading stories that involved the characters I’ve grown so fond of. Now, I kind of like it because each story reveals a certain perspective of the show and characters that is unique to it’s author. Some writing is dreadful, and too out of character to resemble the show, but some is actually quite good and entertaining.
- I miss my bunny and I want her back. I’m going to have to pry her away from my dad when I move off campus.
Wed, Apr. 6th, 2005, 02:31 pm
You know, I have to learn to seek all my consolation, joy, and love from God. Only then can he erase my sins and control me completely. Only then can I serve him and love others with the pure, true love of of our Lord.
Why do I define myself by what people say, or how they treat me? Why do I ask them to make me feel better? All that matters is God. All that matters is You, my savior, my father. Please, work in my soul and guide me along Your path to You.
I'm looking at my schedule, and tomorrow is a tutor-y day. No classes, but four hours of tutoring appointments. I also have one appointment for me to speak with career services (the gist of what I plan to say to them - "Help me! I'm so confused!").
It seems like whenever I type here that my life is boring and routine, it quickly takes a different turn. Yesterday, I left campus (once again, though car-less) and went to the beach with Sandra. She lives in an adorable little apartment by the shore, and was kind enough to invite and take me over for a few hours to get away from the campus.
The ocean is so beautiful, even at night. I got to stand there at the edge of the wide expanse of water, with my feet sinking into the sand and the waves rushing up to touch my toes. We had dinner by the shore and watched the tourists speak in various languages. I also got to ride a bike up and down the boardwalk. It's been about three years since I rode one! I love the cute little apartments by the ocean, with their funky, Bohemian atmosphere. What a fun and relaxing way to live. I fell in love with the lifestyle... until I called my future roomie Andrea and she reminded me about hurricanes and storm surges. :)
God is good. Life is interesting. Now I go back to work.
My parents are supposed to visit this weekend. Yay! It's been such a looong time since I saw them, and I miss them terribly.
I'd like to think that their reason for coming down is to see me and my sis... but I know the truth! It's the last weekend that the Youth Fair is in town. The elephant ears are calling them... hee hee... I'm kidding of course. Not about the Youth Fair, which definitely was a part of their decision, but about it being the only reason. I'm so blessed to be part of a family that loves each other and enjoys spending time together. It's not something that everyone has.
So, I should be going to the Youth Fair this weekend, which is great. I also think I will need to swing by the bridal shop to have my bridesmaid dress altered. Otherwise, I will probably have to force myself to leave the company of my family to study in the library.
Hmm... It's only Wednesday and I'm already planning my weekend. I guess I'm trying to distract myself from thinking about the extra credit quiz I'm taking in class tonight and all the work I have to prepare for tomorrow. And why all the midterms and quizzes this semester? When I started law school it was just a final per class, all or nothing. This semester my teachers seem to expect us to be on top of the coursework as the semester progresses! The gall of them! ;)
I arranged to write a research paper to fulfill my pro bono requirement. So, now I have two big papers to write by the end of April, people from two different classes to tutor, and four finals to pass. But I'm going to do it - because I'm definitely going to walk up there and receive my diploma on May 15!
Tue, Mar. 29th, 2005, 06:52 pm
This is one of those days when I feel terribly behind. I have a lot to do. The day has just flown by, and I was rather cranky with Cristina.
On a positive note, I've been walking or jogging almost every day for the past two and a half weeks. I like feeling like I accomplished something, and I love going out into those huge sports fields that the school has. I like seeing the wide open spaces and sky.
I hope I can get a lot of work done tonight.
Just to be silly, I created my own quiz.... Teleport yourself to the Eighties! There are some funny possibilities! Hee hee...